So this little sprog here turned 4 months old a few days prior. 4months, that age when she’s wildly interested in everything but not independent enough to do anything. It’s a challenging time for her older brother; her naps are shorter, time spent with him is regularly interrupted to pacify her or in finding another activity to entertain her.
Into this mind play did it all begin? Mr. Moneybags had told him they would have some garden time before it got dark on his way out the door to work and a lunchtime meeting. At 3 separate times during that day he had asked “will daddy be back soon? He promised we’d play in the garden before it got dark”. Being the ever thoughtful wife, I decided not to bother daddy with a phone call/check in to confirm as he was in a meeting and would appreciate the consideration.
It started to get dark at 6:18pm. I get a message at 6:23pm to inform me said meeting had been postponed till 6:30pm, the day had been spent on other tasks that were pending and needful and he would see us later than expected.
And then the voices started “Ehen, it is you that kuku doesn’t know how to go out to sort tasks and errands”, “typical man, after all they are MY children so why should he make sacrifices”, “poor son, being so well behaved all day only to be let down like this”, “evil father, if he only cared to put us before himself, JUST ONCE” and on and on they continued.
Over dinner preparation, while giving the sprog a wash and getting son ready for bed up to the quite cuppa I managed to enjoy that night when all had settled.
Oh, I addressed them. Told myself not to be so silly, this was a one off, stop generalising; I was good. But they were better. These here voices did not stop. They brought to memory things he had said in previous conversations and had never apologised for. As he didn’t apologise, he still meant them didn’t he? They were still valid truths/facts in his mind weren’t they? Like that time 2weeks after she was delivered by a gruelling emergency caesarean. He said I was walking around with a long face even though the desire for a second child was all mine and I should face up to the responsibilities of that choice and stop putting it on others. He surely still believed that, that’s why he thought nothing of leaving me all day with them on a day he was supposed to be off and had promised son they would spend time together.
By the time I was sitting in much desired quiet, they had gone. It was me with my nice thoughts on how well managed the day had been despite opportunities for melt downs and the like. Until 3 days later that is, when the mother of all fights went down. I walked out of the kitchen mid conversation into my bedroom. He followed but I had slipped into an irate quietness and did not discuss my thoughts on his words any further. And 10days later we are still not good. We are cool, chatting and opining but the door to the vulnerable, goofy, playful, safe place has been shut and is not permitting husbands’ entry for now.
And the Holy Spirit wanted me to know, while I was having an intimate session with Him; I had not been like David or Jesus who answered these voices with words of truth and power. No, I had been like Eve, back in that garden who had an easy, almost intimate conversation with the serpent that led to the state of man today. It took ONE conversation with the wrong voice.
Prayer: Spirit guide me in my thought life today. Alert me to identify quickly when I am flirting with thoughts that have no good end. Help me honestly point them out and discuss issues they raise with You and then leave them there, with You, so they don’t ruin the day, time or moments you have planned for us. In Christs’ name I pray.
Verse- Philippians 4:8– Finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.
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