TFD Series: Be Firm but Fair, Be Just, Be Kind.

Be Firm but Fair, Be Just, Be Kind– Mrs Ibukun Awosika

I had expected the TFD series to be a smaller gathering than it turned out to be and it had crossed my mind to get new business cards so I could network with some of the ladies but life got in the way and I completely forgot. Unfortunately, at some point we were asked to network with the other ladies in the room and boy how hard was that! Some ladies missed the point of the whole exercise. It’s really hard to walk up to you if you have your arms crossed and a blank look or even worse a ‘don’t you dear approach me’ look lol. I met a lot of young talented ladies in the room, it was great to see so many girls doing it for themselves.

Many of us have to deal with people on a daily basis and Mrs Awosika was speaking especially to people who had to deal with staff and employees or those managing a group of people. I’d even take it as far as managing your spouse and your children. In your relationships, be firm but fair, be just and be kind. It brought to mind the parable of the unmerciful servant who owed  10,000  talents and was given a pardon but immediately turned around and refused pardon a man who owed him 100 pence.

We do it all the time!

Daily I get pardoned for the sins I commit and yet sometimes, I find it hard to grant the same pardon to my spouse or people around me. Apart from the fact that we were called to love our neighbour as ourselves, we are meant to learn to forgive and not hold grudges.  We must learn to be fair and just in our relationships but what does being firm look like and where is the line drawn. I’m a big softie so I’ve had to put more effort into being firm. I worry about upsetting people or making them uncomfortable or unhappy and so I tend to overthink situations a bit more than the average person I’ve met but in the past few months I’ve met several wonderful christian women who are able to keep a balance between being fair and being firm and it’s inspired me to put checks in place to make sure I don’t tip the scale. A sure way to know is to check with one or two good friends who you know are very firm and maybe a bit too firm. I have a few of those!

A lot of ladies were concerned about treating people too kindly only to end up being taken advantage of. The way I see it is, you reap what you sow. You sow good, you will reap good. You sow kindness, you will receive kindness and being kind doesn’t mean letting people walk all over you. Sometimes being kind means letting people handle certain situations themselves, other times it means forgiving and other times it means taking a stand. Study Jesus again, he was kind but he was just and firm. Let the Holy Spirit guide you in each situation to make the right decision.

Please don’t forget to engage with CCWives, drop a comment or a testimony or share your story! We are always looking for new CCWives to inspire others so send in an article and if we love it, we’ll post it.

PS Our Bible Study on Marriage starts on the 1st of February and we will be using the most amazing resource. An audio teaching on marriage by TIM KELLER. It’s he all-time bestselling sermon series from Redeemer Presbyterian Church, preached in 1991, and the basis for the bestselling book “The Meaning of Marriage” in 2011.You can purchase them HERE for only $2.50 per session. I am in no way affiliated with the Redeemers Presbytarian Church but I was blown away by his teaching. You can also purchase the marriage book for a deeper study (it’s on the side bar). I can’t wait to start.

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About Nimz

Hi I'm Nimz. I'm a portrait and documentary photographer and I love to write. I have just completed a Montessori course in Early Childhood Education and am working towards opening a Montessori Nursery in Lagos, Nigeria. My work can be found at website: instagram, twitter & persicope: @nimz_i.

One thought on “TFD Series: Be Firm but Fair, Be Just, Be Kind.

  1. Thanks for sharing Nimz, very insightful. The character trait that stood out to me the most was ‘being firm’ just because that’s something I struggle with. Like you; I overthink situations and I really dont want to offend people. That has not really gotten me anywhere. If anything, in terms of friendships, I noticed that I don’t have a lot of real relationships. I am learning to be firm and be truthful. Not being firm sometimes leads you to fall for anything rather than stand for something. I thank God,there is an opportunity to make changes.

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